How 'Bout a Hamburger

It’s been there for as long as I can remember: a billboard along the El at W240th Street. Without interruption for decades, the same two businesses advertised on it: nearby McDonald’s and the car wash alongside it. While both establishments endure to this day, they have—for whatever reasons—opted out of the billboard promotion. Right now, Smashburger is pointing people their way. It’s a sign of the times, I guess. The hipper burger joint pitching their hipper burger selections to the public at large, which seems to have acquired more sophisticated tastes than when I was a kid.

I haven’t patronized Smashburger, but I did peruse their menu on GrubHub. The prices seem reasonable enough, but every one of their burger selections comes loaded with unacceptable toppings—from my culinary perspective—and the place doesn’t afford you the option to remove any of them. McDonald’s, on the other hand, does remove what I want removed from their hamburgers: chopped onions and pickles. Strange as it may seem, ordering a plain hamburger from McDonald’s was—once upon a time—a showstopper. Staff would literally remove the onions and pickles from the hamburger and not do a particularly good job at that. Nowadays, remove means don’t put them on to begin with—a simple act of omission. Years ago, though, McDonald’s burgers were conceived with chopped onions and pickles on them—or so it seemed. Of course, removing any toppings from McDonald’s regular burgers leaves you with nothing burgers, invisible between the buns. But insignificant as they are, I must say that—in moderation—they are perversely appealing. Every now and then, I conclude: It’s worth the inevitable sour stomach to follow.

In a very confined radius in the old neighborhood—a hop, skip, and a jump from one another—is now a McDonald’s, Wendy’s, and Smashburger. Something for everyone’s tastes. Turn a corner and there’s a couple of hipster joints specializing in—what else—burgers and steaks. This very area was once home to multiple bars with clienteles that weren’t averse to mixing it up from time to time on the front sidewalks. One of the eateries—a steakhouse—just recently opened. I noticed it on GrubHub and checked out the menu. A filet mignon steak—eight ounces—is $37; the porterhouse steak, $57. Both come with a side, but if you want it to be macaroni and cheese, it’ll cost you an extra $2; truffle fries, an extra $5. If you started your meal with an appetizer, like the grilled octopus, at $23, this starts adding up to real money. But it’s a night on the town, with—remember—McDonald’s, Wendy’s, and Smashburger just around the corner for the next time.

(Photos from the personal collection of Nicholas Nigro)