Spring-a-ling

When I was a boy in the Bronx during the 1960s and 1970s, there were “candy stores”—often more than one—on the main thoroughfares. Places that sold all kinds of candy—yes—but also newspapers, magazines, and fountain drinks like egg creams, malts, and milkshakes. Through the years, I purchased a fair share of confectionaries in them. The variety was incredible, and the price was right. My favorites varied from moment to moment and included—at one time or another—Banana Splits, Good & Fruity, Dots, Neccos, Starburst, and Jaw Breakers.

For a spell, I was hooked on Skittles. While I have long since kicked that habit, I thought of these multi-hued delights today when I read a news account of a bill under consideration in the California Assembly, which would outlaw—among multiple candies and food products—Skittles, Mike & Ike Hot Tamales, Nerds, and Double Bubble Twist Gum. The pols sponsoring the bill cite the “dangerous chemicals” used in their manufacturing, including Red Dye no. 3, titanium dioxide, and propyl paraben.

Despite having the imprimatur of the Food and Drug Administration (FDA), various venerable candies are on the firing line. Yes, I accept that the FDA’s track record in these matters is less than perfect. And I’ll readily concede that consuming the candies of my youth—in the quantities that I did—wasn’t particularly good for my teeth, nor a net plus in my overall health and wellness. The ingredients listed on the packaging spoke and continue to speak volumes. But I lived to tell.

Permit me now to go out on a limb here and say that eating Skittles, Sour Patch Kids, and Pez are unlikely to inspire a rash of premature deaths. Anyway, we take chances in life all the time. Roll the dice, pop up the Pez head, and go for it then. Remember: You only live once! I want the kids of today to enjoy them—like I once did—while they can. Recalling the candies of my bygone boyhood has been a nostalgic tour de force, for sure, but the notion of consuming them in 2023 is remarkably unappealing and, indeed, stomach churning.

Now, should the aforementioned bill see the light of day, I can just imagine the black market that will spring to life. Picture this: Dealers in California back alleys prying open their briefcases full of sugary and colorful contraband. What’ll you have? Got any Milk Duds in there?

A footnote here: In strolling down memory lane and revisiting so many of the candies of my past, I encountered several that I never liked, even when I sported a cast iron stomach. They include Choward’s Violet Mints, Fun Dip, Turkish Taffy, Mallo Cup, Raisinets, Bit-o-Honey, Mary Jane, Junior Mints, York Peppermint Patties, Mounds, Almond Joy, Red Hots, and Butterfingers. The candy dots stuck to paper were pretty gross, too.