It’s Frickin’ Freezing in Here, Mr. Bigglesworth

It was in the vicinity of zero degrees this morning in New York City, a culmination of sorts to an extended medley of unpleasant weather. The forecast for tomorrow has the thermometer approaching the freezing mark for the first time in nearly two weeks. My youthful exuberance that once welcomed snow with open arms and tolerated bone-chilling temps is a thing of the past—the distant past. Touch football in the white stuff isn’t in this winter’s crystal ball anymore.

This week’s unholy alliance of frigid cold, strong winds, and some snow got me thinking about a movie—one, in fact, that I hadn’t thought about in quite a while—Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery starring Mike Myers. While sitting at my desk in recent days—in my drafty, very chilly, ground-floor apartment—I have exclaimed on more than one occasion: “It’s frickin’ freezing in here!” And, from my perspective at least, it was. Of course, that apropos phrase paid homage to the aforementioned movie and, specifically, the character of Dr. Evil. For he uttered those infamous words to his faithful feline companion, the hairless Mr. Bigglesworth.

Austin Powers debuted in 1997, a snapshot in time that bears little resemblance to the world we presently call home. And based on my personal Laugh-Out-Loud meter, it was the funniest feature film I had ever seen to date. I actually saw the movie on five different occasions in the theater, paying the piper every time. Fortunately, the price of admission wasn’t fourteen and fifteen dollars a pop like it is now in many local theaters. Still, I’d never done anything like that before and haven’t done anything like it since. Austin Powers struck a remarkable funny nerve for both its day and my day, too.

A sequel premiered two years later. My recollection of Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me is that it was at best okay, but a far cry from the original. In 2002, Austin Powers in Goldmember saw the light of day. Writhing in my seat, I remember promptly consigning this addition to the franchise to the Gone to Well Once Too Often file. Pretty much like the sequel before it, I don’t recall much about the plot particulars. But I can say with absolute certainty that I didn’t laugh a single time. That’s unforgettable! I even offered my opinion to a couple of entertainment reporters—or whomever they were—outside the theater. They were querying individual moviegoers as to what he or she thought of the latest Austin Powers flick. The mighty had fallen that afternoon—I thought—and fast and furiously at that.

A postscript to this cold tale is that I have never watched an Austin Powers movie since. I don’t own any of the three movies on DVD and have no desire to—and that includes the real McCoy original, which had me in the silly parlance of today: LMAO. In my opinion—you know it didn’t take much to spell out that phrase—the sequels became increasingly parodies of a parody, with Mike Myers losing the critical subtlety that made characters like Austin Powers and Dr. Evil funny. This happens frequently in movies, television, and in real life as well. Sometimes it’s best to be a one-hit wonder. Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery would be better off standing on its own. According to the IMDb, a rumor is floating around of a fourth movie in the works. Should it come to pass, I’ll take a pass. I know now that catching lightning in a bottle a second time—more than two decades later—just isn’t in the cards. And as I write these words, it’s still frickin’ freezing in here, but hope springs eternal. Now if I can only surf the Internet, peruse social media, and turn on the television without being “surrounded by frickin’ idiots,” I’d be a contented man. But I’m not holding my breath on that score.

(Photos from the personal collection of Nicholas Nigro)