Not Helping Grandma…Anymore

What a difference a few weeks make. Once upon a time we were in the midst of a deadly pandemic and Hollywood celebrities were self-righteously imploring one and all to stay home and, of course, wear masks and practice social distancing. We were doing it for Grandma—keeping her safe first and foremost—they said. These cloying public-service announcements made me think of Mrs. Margaret Mann and her little Depression-era grocery store. Even though she’s been dead for sixty-nine years, I continue to wear a mask for her. Fast-forward to the present and the very same celebs in many instances—from their multi-million dollar homes in gated communities—don’t seem all that concerned about Grandma anymore, despite the fact that COVID-19 is alive and well.

I see actress Natalie Portman had her woke bona fides stamped recently when she fell on her white-privilege sword and came out in support of de-funding police. I’m certain she arrived at that position after doing copious, painstaking research on the subject. This made me think of a Depression-era policeman named Edgar Kennedy. He’d be out of a job. Officer Kennedy may have been on the bumbling side, but he was a good cop at heart. And so was Officer Joe Bolton for that matter.

On the matter of police de-funding: Perhaps we should take a page from the Old West or Mayberry, even, and have each American town hire its own sheriff and deputy to oversee a one- or two-cell jail. You know: the kind with a solitary rectangular window with bars, which allowed in fresh air and flies. This would save a lot of money and hopefully appease Natalie Portman with her $60 million. Those charged with alleged crimes could wait for a circuit judge to arrive and stand trial before his or her peers. More savings.

If you’re not paying attention, maybe you should be. The woke folk will get you if don’t watch out. I sang that today like Darla Hood once sung “The Love Bug will get you if you don’t watch out.” Why? I just saw a news story that a police presence was in Manhattan’s Columbus Circle guarding the statue of Christopher Columbus there. I hope the NYPD dispatched some officers to the Port Authority to protect its statue of Ralph Kramden, who wasn’t especially woke. Bang…zoom!

From essayists Samuel Johnson to Ralph Waldo Emerson to James Baldwin to Christopher Hitchens to…George Clooney—star of The Facts of Life after the show had Jumped the Shark. If I am to believe the Yahoo news headlines, it seems that Hollywood is now in the business of lecturing and “taking down” people. This is especially true of late-night comedians like one-trick ponies Colbert, Kimmel, and Oliver. The good old days of Johnny Carson seem like such a long, long time ago.

I first registered to vote in 1981 as a Republican. My college years turned that upside down and I graduated a lip-service leftie. The faculty was comprised predominantly of men and women on the left, but there was no frothing-at-the-mouth conformity of thought like there is today on campuses. I had great respect for many of my professors whose lives took them to places and found them in circumstances completely foreign to most contemporary academia nuts, who can’t abide their students thinking for themselves for fear they might see a world with more nuance than their rigid one-world.

A favorite college course of mine was “Great Issues in American History.” I actually looked forward to attending it, which is saying something. A liberal-minded professor and product of the 1960s Civil Rights and anti-Vietnam War movements taught it. He presented the facts absent an ideological bent and encouraged discussion and debate. I recall one lecture touching on the Civil War and slavery. I don’t remember the particulars of what inspired it, but a classmate said at one point, “I don’t think you can compare slavery to the Holocaust.” His opinion made an African-American peer visibly angry and a heated but civil discussion ensued. That’s what a college education used to be about: differences of opinion freely aired—more speech, not less.

The wokies are particularly emboldened now. Pay absolute total obeisance to them or they might be coming for your job or that statue of St. Francis of Assisi—he must have said something or done something un-woke in 1200—on your front lawn. Forgive me, though, for still thinking of Grandma and still wanting to help.