The Egg Sandwich Story

(Originally published 2/9/20)

Due to track work this morning, the Number 1 train was running in two sections. Bad news, of course, for passengers looking to get from section A to section B. Sure, there were free shuttle buses bridging the gap, but they prove time and again—to me at least—that nothing in life is free.

Despite this inconvenience, one and all soldiered on. Sitting directly across from me as my truncated ride commenced was a woman consuming what appeared to be a plain egg sandwich. I know it could have had something else on it, like cheese, but that’s neither here nor there. What this pedestrian sandwich sighting triggered was an image of two old ladies, one deceased and one still among the living. Their egg sandwich connection, however, goes back a few years when both were roaming this earthly plane.

As one gets older, there are naturally more and more moments residing in the memory bank—some rather dramatic and profound, but most quite mundane and trivial. It’s also an infinite repository for ancient slights and petty grievances. And so, it’s back to The Egg Sandwich Story and a pair of senior citizen protagonists named Alice and Rose.

Any time and every time that old Alice’s name was brought up in the presence of old Rose, the latter’s brain would promptly and without fail retrieve The Egg Sandwich Story. You see, Rose didn’t much like Alice to begin with. She felt that Alice was a neighborhood gossip par excellence, a wagging tongue that was into everybody’s business. And as if that wasn’t a bad enough character reference, she ordered an egg sandwich from a diner—a half-a-block away—for delivery! Rose couldn’t fathom why anyone would order such a sandwich when one could, rather effortlessly, crack an egg or two open at home, fry them up, and put them between two slices of bread. Then, of course, there was the icing on the cake—or ketchup on the egg sandwich in this instance—of having it delivered! What’s the matter with her legs? She can’t walk to the diner and pick it up?

When I first heard about Alice’s notorious delivered egg sandwich, I honestly didn’t view it as a character buster. From my perspective, any breakfast-style sandwich tastes better when prepared outside the home. I’ve made ham and egg and bacon and egg sandwiches that just don’t compare to the local diner equivalents. So, how could I find fault with Alice for choosing the diner over homemade?

And now, the rest of the story: After hearing about Alice’s delivered egg sandwich for the hundredth or so time, I had some new information at my disposal. Alice had actually ordered an egg salad sandwich from the diner. This isn’t something that the average person prepares at home on the spur of the moment. That piece of critical filler would not have mattered to Rose. She had Alice’s number, and no egg salad sandwich was going to change that.

If there is an abiding moral to The Egg Sandwich Story, it’s this: Be ever vigilant of what’s piling up in your memory bank. Because one day soon you might be triggered to recall a certain individual ordering a certain panini from a certain place, like Le Pain Quotiden. And, God forbid, having it delivered via DoorDash. Let The Egg Sandwich Story be a lesson to you.

(Photos from the personal collection of Nicholas Nigro)